"Do the Right Thing"

In marriage, we make a lot of choices. Not all of these choices are clear, obvious right-and-wrong situations. But some are. And when we’re facing a clear choice between right and wrong, we need to choose carefully.

When you know that something’s wrong, DON’T DO IT. No excuses, no reasons, no Twinkie defense, no nothing. DO THE RIGHT THING.

This might sound obvious, but it’s not. There are too many moments when we know something’s wrong, but we do it anyway.

For example, let’s consider our choices about expressing anger.

I believe that physical violence in relationships is WRONG. Always. It’s never okay to hit, or hurt, or break anything. Ever.

I also believe that surprising people with anger is not right. I know that it would be wrong for me to surprise my wife with my anger. I need to wait until she’s prepared to hear me.

I also believe that overwhelming people with anger is not good. I know it would be wrong for me to express my anger in a way (tone, volume, length of time) that my wife would find too intense. I need to stay aware of her feelings, and if I sense she feels overwhelmed, I need to pause and do whatever’s necessary to help her feel less flooded.

I know these things about expressing my anger in my marriage.

There’s that moment of choice, when I’m feeling angry . . . and I DECIDE how I’m going to handle it. Will it be safely, with no surprise, and not overwhelming? I know that’s what’s right for me.

At these moments of choice, I need to do the right thing.

You might like to decide what’s right for you. And then, when the moment comes, CHOOSE to do the right thing.

Or, if you’ve already done something wrong: STOP. Make a change. Apologize. Make amends. And get back to working on not doing it again.