"Do Self-Help Your Own Way"

Suggestions about improving our lives come at us from radio, television, books, tapes, and newsletters like this one. If you’re considering some of this advice, wait a minute.

Don’t just do what someone else says without first "making it your own." Adapt it. Customize it. Personalize it. Make it work for you. Then, it will really be yours.

For instance, I use a therapy technique called ‘couples dialogue’. I love its beauty, elegance and power. But, at first, I had trouble with the words: mirror, validate, and empathize. They seemed confusing.

So, I use my own words: hear, understand, and guess. First, hear what they’re saying. Then, understand their point of view. Then, guess what they are feeling.

My words are simpler for me. They’re easier to remember. The acronym is ‘hug’ (hear, understand, and guess). I think to myself: communicate with ‘hug’s. I like that.

So, if you’re going to try some self-improvement plan, go ahead and customize it. Make it your own. Then, there’s a lot greater chance that you’ll use it. And a lot greater chance it will work.