"Thinking Decisions and Feeling Decisions"

There are two major ways that people make decisions: "thinking" and "feeling."

In "thinking" decisions, one reflects on the abstract principle that pertains to the matter under consideration. By applying that principle to the particulars of the circumstance, one logically arrives at the appropriate course of action. It’s a very rational process. It is clear, impartial, fair, and even-handed. This way of deciding is an essential part of Justice.

In "feeling" decisions, one considers the impact of possible outcomes on the different people who would be affected by the decision. One tries to put oneself in each of their places to get in touch with how each person might feel. One works toward a decision that would feel best to everyone involved. It’s a very emotional process. It is caring, compassionate, kind, and involved. This way of deciding is an essential part of Mercy.

We humans are evenly divided between these two decision-making styles. About 60% of men prefer thinking decisions and about 60% of women prefer feeling decisions.

When things are going well, these two decision-making methods are complementary. For instance, if two parents differ in decision-making style, their children can benefit from decisions that are both fair AND kind.

But when things are going poorly, these two methods can seem to be at war, and people can invalidate one another’s styles. "Why can’t you be logical!" and "How can you be so cold!" are among the battle cries from each side.

As in most polarizations, the healing comes from respecting the others’ opinion, understanding, valuing differences, letting the other influence you, developing a good give-and-take, coming up with compromises, and being able to see the humor in the differences between you.

With compassion, gentleness, and humor you can both see the logic of how two very different, but equally valid perspectives, can combine to be better than either one alone.

The world needs both Justice and Mercy. Not either/or.