"The Problem of Being Flooded"
When you have so many strong emotions that you can hardly think straight — that’s called flooding.
When you’re so upset, hurt and angry that you don’t care what you say — that’s flooding.
When you’re scared that anything you say is going to be wrong, but you also feel that if you don’t say anything at all, you’ll be in trouble — that’s flooding.
One amazingly simple measure of flooding is your pulse. For most people, if your pulse goes over 100 beats per minute while you’re just sitting and talking — you’re flooded.
Flooding doesn’t feel good. When we’re flooded, we don’t think clearly and we’re not very good problem-solvers. And flooding can lead to more trouble, because when we’re flooded we too often say things that hurt our partner’s feelings.
The solution is simple. WHEN YOU’RE FLOODED, TAKE A BREAK. A ten-minute break is enough time for many people to calm down. Some need twenty or thirty minutes.
Then, there are two important points to remember:
- During the break, you have to try and calm down (not rev up).
- After the break, you have to continue the conversation.
When the break is over, the problem still needs to be addressed. But you’ll have a lot better chance of making progress with it when you’re not flooded.
