"Freedom, Oppression, and The Drama Triangle"

Sometimes the freedom we need is freedom-from-someone. We want to be free of their control, or dominance, or oppression, or persecution, or abuse.

In fact, power struggles about control (who’s right and who’s wrong) and power struggles about dominance (who’s good and who’s bad) are not unusual at all. These struggles can definitely involve feeling oppressed, persecuted, and abused.

However, we all need to beware of something called the "the drama triangle," a three-handed game of victim, persecutor, and rescuer. When we see ourselves as the only victim — and our partner as the only persecutor — our relationship is in trouble.

No doubt, there are circumstances where this perspective IS the most important one. But, there are other circumstances where this perspective can be a serious oversimplification of the situation.

There may be more than one victim, and more than one persecutor, and more than one rescuer. There may be a way in which each of you plays all three roles.

Consider a recent conflict you had:

In which role do you see yourself? (Hint: most of us usually start by seeing ourselves as the victim.) Who do you see in each of the other two roles? Who is the persecutor? Who is the rescuer?

Now try rotating these roles. Try seeing yourself as the persecutor. Can you see the validity of this perspective? Now who is the victim? And who is the rescuer?

Now try seeing each person in each of these three roles.

Sometimes the freedom we need is freedom-from-the-whole-drama-triangle. This would be freedom from narrow vision, freedom from blaming, and freedom from self-righteousness.

It’s a whole other kind of freedom.