"There are Two Sides to Every Story"

One basic truth of marriage therapy is "there are two sides to every story." I’d go so far as to say that marriage is a high-intensity training course in this topic.

I think some people are naturally more comfortable with this idea of MULTIPLE REALITIES. If this is you, congratulations, you’ve got the easier path. Your task is: don’t forget that your partner has their own, equally valid, side to the story. Even when you’re upset.

If you’re a ONE REALITY type, you’ve got some work to do. This is a hard concept to change, but you’ve got to set to work on reconsidering it. Because the happiness of your marriage is in jeopardy. Here’s why:

Once you start telling someone that their side to the story isn’t valid, they’re not likely to stay very happy very long. And they’re not likely to want to make you happy either.

Consider the story of the blind men who were each asked to describe the animal (an elephant) in front of them. The one at the leg said it was like a massive tree trunk. The one at the trunk said it was like a large round hose. The one at the ear said it was thin and rough. The one at the tail said it was like a frayed rope. Which one was right?

The goal is: Your partner doesn’t need to be wrong for you to be right. You can both be right — in different ways — from different perspectives.