"Willingness to Lead and Willingness to Follow"

There are times when it’s important to be willing to follow — and times when it’s important to be willing to lead.

Some people have the unwilling-to-follow problem. Some people have the too-willing-to-follow (unwilling-to-lead) problem.

It may be that every couple has one person of each kind.

The traditional marriage has an unwilling-to-follow man married to a too-willing-to-follow woman. But, the roles can be reversed, and some marriages are the other way around.

Also, there are people who, on the surface, seem very willing to follow. But underneath they are very resistant.

And, there are people who seems ruggedly unwilling to go along with anything, but underneath are profoundly dependent.

In this light, unwillingness can be surface, or deeper, or both.

How do you know which is which?

Well, some of us DO know. Some of us know that we need to be more willing to follow.

Do you have the habit of preferring to do things your way?

Do you like to work on your own?

Do you like your ideas about how to make things better?

Have you been accused of saying "my way or the highway"?

Were you raised with a high value on independent achievement?

Are you highly competitive?

"Yes" answers to these questions suggest that you may need work on your willingness.

In a dominance power struggle, the core fight is about who’s in charge. The role split can be called dominant / submissive, or blamer / placator, or addict / co-dependent.

Those of us who are dominant or blamers or addicts probably have the unwilling-to-follow problem. And we need to develop more willingness to follow our partners.

Those of us who are submissive or placators or co-dependents probably have the too-willing-to-follow problem. And we need to be more willing to lead our partners.